Falling
by Jae-chan
Summary: Chichi is an old woman that has been battling many battles all her life. Is this the end of the road for her?
1. Static Rain

Falling by Jae-chan

Falling by Jae-chan

Story Stats  
Rated: PG  
Started: 9/9/2001  
Genre: Angst/Romance  
Pairing: Chichi/Goku with some suggestions about Bulma/Vegeta  
Setting: Well after Goku dies the last time. Chichi is in her late sixties.  
Random Note: I'm having Goku constantly in his Super Saiyan form.

Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ. I just write about it. ^.~

---

Chapter One: Static Rain

A woman with loose black locks streaked with silver stood out in the middle of a large field in the mountains, the rain pouring around her and soaking through her clothes. She was an older woman, probably in her sixties or seventies, but she didn't appear weak or feeble in any way. Her skin wasn't as wrinkly as it should have been, nor had her hair lost all of it's color. The only sign of her true age was in her midnight colored eyes that displayed wisdom, strength, and a great deal of pain. Those orbs of liquid night stared blankly ahead as the mist and rain whipped around her in the wind. How long she had been rooted in that spot was uncertain, but she had yet to move.

This mysterious lady was none other than Son Chichi, the widow of Son Goku and mother of Gohan and Goten. The field that she stood in was a field not too far from her house, where she had lived since she married Goku so many years ago. Chichi had not moved from that house and cared for it as she always had. Things remained timeless in that place. Not even Goku's belongings had been removed. Chichi still ironed uniforms and stocked her refrigerator high, just in case Gohan or Goten came back from their long periods of training. Occasionally Bulma would stop by with old friends or her son's daughter, but Chichi had refused to leave her house in her later years. Even when Bulma asked her to go to the hospital after her first sick spell, Chichi stubbornly kept her ground. "What if my boys come back to an empty house with no food? I need to be there." she would say. The argument would end there. Whatever medical problems Chichi had she would keep to herself, and it was obvious that neither Bulma nor her children knew what was going on.

Now, despite her age and weaknesses, Chichi was standing in the rain and did not seem to care if it would give her a cold. The chill did not penetrate her senses. There was something else there that she felt more important to do.

*I'm too old for this...they don't seem to understand. I can't be alone anymore. It hurts my heart too much. I no longer have the fire that sustained me when all of you would leave me behind and never tell me anything. My spirit is tired of it, Goku.*

As the wind grew colder and the sky grew darker, water from her own eyes began to mix with the rain and run down the plains of her aged face. Her arms curled about her torso as her eyes closed, letting the freezing temperatures try to numb her.__

_**********_

Goku shook his head, trying to concentrate on his meditation, when a thought crossed through his mind crackling with some sort of static. 

'My...irit...it...Goku.'

He blinked as he recognized the voice as Chichi's, but he couldn't understand why it was coming in so unclear. Normally he had no trouble hearing her thoughts about him, in fact, whenever he wanted to check in on her Goku could often just tune in. Like listening to a radio. The dead could always hear the thoughts of the people that cared for them, which was why Goku could usually tell what was happening on Earth. 

*That's weird. I can't seem to get the static to go away.*

The Saiyijin warrior frowned and stood up, deciding that whatever it was, it was bad. His form blinked out from his residence in the other dimension and flickered in front of King Kai's house. If there was anyone who could tell him what Chichi was thinking, it would be a telepath.

_**********_

**__**Chichi sighed as she tried in vain to wipe some of the water from her face and turned back for home. There had been more than just the nasty disease in her body killing her for these past years. The only time she could bring herself to show it was in the rain where her tears didn't seem to matter against the tears from the sky. The death of her husband was something that ate away at her everyday, and the years she had endured without him had slowly torn away at her, even though she was very good at not showing it. There were memories that still hurt and the fear that Gohan or Goten would be taken away never left either. She fainted every so often, but things weren't as dramatic any longer. When you were as old as she was, you didn't want to do too much falling. Even if you were once known as the strongest woman in the world, that didn't make your bones unbreakable.

Chichi coughed as she made her way through the trees, realizing that what she had done had made her ill. She leaned against a tree for a few moments, taking shelter from the rain underneath the branches, and regained her breath. Her black and silver locks were plastered to her head by the water and her wet clothes clung to her tightly. 

*There were so many times I was left without a word, but that last time...that last time hurt the most. I thought you were going to come back because you said you would. I was as naïve as the children had been until I had waited long enough to understand. Couldn't you at least come back and say goodbye to me? For once I would have liked not to be left in the dark. Closure would have been a nice thing to have. I'm sure you thought it best, I'm sure you didn't mean to hurt me, but that didn't make it any less painful. It took me years before I could come to the point where I could no longer be angry that you were taken away. The sadness still remains and it kills me. Perhaps it has spread to my body now too.* __

_**********_

"King Kai! There you are." Goku said, popping up by his lawn chair. King Kai nearly fell out of his spot when Goku appeared. Goku had been masking his power level again, probably just to surprise him. King Kai pushed his glasses up and looked up at the blond haired, blue eyed Saiya-jin. "What can I do for you, Goku? You haven't been around here for quite a while. Need some fighting tips?" King Kai asked, seriously doubting that the young man could use anymore of his help in training.

"Uh no, not exactly. You can help me with a problem though." Goku paused as King Kai sat up, his blue antenna's perking up. 

"What's wrong then?" he asked, a light frown crossing his features. It wasn't often that someone came to him for something other than training advice or to show off. 

Goku scratched his head, "Well since I died 'permanently', I've been able to hear people's thoughts. Only people I knew and cared for me in return."

"A normal trait, although your sensing of thoughts is probably better than most people's." King Kai nodded.

"Yeah. This ability's been working great until today. I was meditating and I heard Chichi...but when I tried to figure out what she was saying it was filled with static. I thought that only happened with phones..." Goku sighed, "Anyway, I need you to help me find out what's happening."

"Static you say?" King Kai asked curiously.

"Yes." Goku responded as he watched King Kai get up and pace around mumbling.

King Kai spread out his telepathic energies to find Chichi and see what was happening. Static could have meant several things, but he just couldn't be sure what until he did some investigating. When he finally found her he was smacked with a rush of cold, but he was not discouraged from poking around her mind. His frown deepened as he sank to the inner levels of Chichi's psyche and felt how low her Ki was. She was dying.

"Goku..." King Kai paused as he tried to figure out what to tell him.

Goku's blue eyes widened for a moment before a deadly serious look fell over his features. The innocent curiosity was gone and replaced by pure concern. "What is it, King Kai? I have to know."


	2. Ignorance in Truth

Falling by Jae-chan

Falling by Jae-chan

Story Stats  
Rated: PG  
Started: 9/9/2001  
Genre: Angst/Romance  
Pairing: Chichi/Goku with some suggestions about Bulma/Vegeta  
Setting: Well after Goku dies the last time. Chichi is in her late sixties.  
Random Note #1: I'm having Goku constantly in his Super Saiyajin form.  
Random Note #2: I know that in the series they said that only great warriors kept their bodies...but I'm just going to pretend that never happened. We'll just say only great warriors get to train at the Grand Kai's place. I'll base the general heaven more on what they had in the movie _What Dreams May Come_ and hell will be the equivalent to what it was in the series. You won't see much of this until later on in the story, but I just thought you should know that I'm not sticking to the exact facts.

Author Ramble: Gomen nasai if you aren't seeing things develop very quickly, but I like to dwell on things. Some call it a bad habit, maybe it is. ^^; Please forgive me if I don't move at the pace you might like. Also, keep in mind that this is centered mainly on Chichi and Goku. I may allude to other pairings (such as B/V and T/P), but I may not completely develop their relationship. I'm sorry to all the fans of those pairings. Maybe I'll do different stories about them in the future. Thank you for all the reviews by the way. I really appreciate your input. I found the reviews for the last chapter very encouraging and I just wanted you all to know that positive feedback is very uplifting. It inspires me to move my lazy butt and keep writing. Behold the how the power of praise can move an all mighty procrastinator! ^_^

Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ. I just write about it. ^.~

---

Chapter Two: Ignorance in Truth

Chichi coughed harder upon seeing her house in the distance, but how miserable she felt didn't really affect her speed. Memories kept flashing in her mind of what her life had been like, what Goku looked like in different stages, and how many friends she had. She hadn't always been depressed, even after Goku had died that final time Chichi had managed to find happiness in Gohan and Goten. Gohan's little girl Pan was a spitfire and reminded Chichi of herself in some ways. Seeing her boy married was a joy in itself and to see his brother prosper had given her happiness as well. The gap that Goku left in her life after dying had always gotten to her, since she had lived for him, but there had been good things. Chichi couldn't regret living to the age she had, but the battle was getting tiring. Her years were catching up and so was Death it seemed. 

*My life has always been confusing and Goku's situation didn't help. Sometimes he could be such a baka about things, but I think he did it on purpose. He was never an idiot. That's probably why I got so mad when he did something stupid because I knew he could do better... Chichi there you go. Talking like that. Talking about him. I'll never get back if I keep this up.*

Upon reaching her door, Chichi shakily took out her keys and her cold hands seemed to have trouble gripping them. "Not now!" she whispered, forcing her fingers to clench the keys so that she could unlock the door. Just as she had gotten it open she heard a gasp behind her. Chichi turned to see Gohan standing there. *He must have just arrived...I didn't even feel him coming.*

"Mom! What are you doing?!" Gohan exclaimed upon seeing the wet state his mother was in. He knew as well as she did that she could easily catch cold by being out in the rain at her age, and seeing her dripping wet scared him. He quickly picked her up, took her inside, and nearly flew her up to her room.

"Gohan! Really, I'm okay. I just got stuck in the storm while I was walking." Chichi said, surprised that at her son's sudden protectiveness. Most times it was her protecting him from the bad world that rested outside of their home. The turn around was surprising, especially after not seeing him for months. 

"It's been storming all day, Mom." Gohan said, looking at her skeptically as he set her down. *Her clothes are completely soaked...I don't understand how she could have been so careless. Mom is almost never careless. But I guess she's entitled to forget too.*

"Weather is different in the mountains." She responded simply as she picked up another outfit and headed to the bathroom to change.

"Yeah..." Gohan paused and silently wondered what was wrong before continuing, "Well Goten is going to come over tomorrow with my wife and Pan. We thought it would be fun to surprise you. I know how much you miss cooking for Goten." Gohan chuckled as he watched her shut the bathroom door.

"Seeing him scarf plates of food reminds me of when I used to cook for you and your father. I'm lucky I went to the store this week and bought several tons of groceries." Chichi giggled as she changed into her heavy house clothes to warm up. The shake in her hand had left her, although the growing pain in her stomach wasn't leaving. Chichi brushed off the pain and opened the door again, looking much more like herself except for how pale she was.

"Why did you buy so much?" Gohan asked curiously as his mother took his arm and led him downstairs.

"I always have the hope that one of you will come by and visit." Chichi replied a bit sadly, "I never want to be caught unprepared for a guest. I like to keep them here for a while."

Gohan smiled as he wrapped his arm around Chichi's shoulders, causing her to smile back, "We'll be here for a while. A week. That way you can spend sometime with me, Videl and Pan. You'll like that, ne?"

Chichi patted her son's arm and nodded, very happy that he planned on taking a vacation to see her. It was a relief to have him back in her house and she would be happy to have all of her family about her again. Especially now that she knew her fate.

_**********_

King Kai sighed as he watched Goku carefully, not knowing how his old student would react. He didn't want his little house blown up. On the other hand, Chichi was the man's wife (or widow) and he had a right to know. *The things that I get into...hmph*

"Well...you see..."

"King Kai, please." Goku cut in, feeling impatient for the first time in a long time. Whatever it was, the look on King Kai's face was not good at all. 

"Alright alright. She's been blocking off her thoughts and keeps them well guarded. Probably so that none of the mind readers on Earth, like Chiaeotzu, can pick them up. She's very good at it considering that she's only human." King Kai explained, sitting back on his lawn chair.

"Why does that affect what I hear?" Goku questioned, a bit confused as to where this was going.

"She keeps her thoughts hidden in the center of her mind. It's like keeping your valuables in a lockbox, Goku. No one can reach them without knowing the combination. Not even the dead. Being who I am, it isn't so hard for me." 

"What would she have to hide? Chichi's usually pretty open about what she thinks." Goku said, remembering all the times Chichi gave him a big chunk of her mind. She still spouted off at him and he was dead. That was why he loved her. 

"Well that's because you hear her thoughts all the time now. In life you probably didn't know half the things you know now that you're dead." King Kai replied solemnly, "Even now she can still keep things beneath a strong exterior."

"So what's in this box? And why aren't you telling me? Is it really bad, King Kai?" Goku asked. 

For a moment King Kai felt like he was trying to tell a child that his parents were about to die, but then realized that this was ten times worse. Goku always seemed so oblivious to the obvious that it was almost painful for him to explain things in detail. Especially how his wife was dying. *I feel like a psychologist. I shouldn't feel like a psychologist.*

"She's dying and she knows it. She has cancer, Goku. It's some kind of disease on Earth, but I don't know much about it." King Kai said.

Goku went completely silent for a few moments, one of his fists curling up at his side as his eyes closed. He knew she was getting older, but he had expected her to die of old age. Not some painful disease. He wondered why that was hidden in her mind. Surely Bulma would know by now and would be trying to help her find a cure. Wasn't there a treatment for that kind of sickness? Goku just couldn't stand the thought of her suffering or even dying. He wanted her to live a happy life. So far it had been alright, but Goku knew how she had been feeling about him leaving. It had hurt to know it hurt her. It hurt him to know of her insecurities after he had left, and to know that there were times when she doubted that he loved her at all. Goku wanted to help, but he realized that there was nothing he could interfere with anymore. There had to be **something** that someone could do.

"Is she in a hospital? Is Bulma with her?" Goku asked quietly.

"Goku..." King Kai said carefully, "She's at home. I don't believe anyone knows what's wrong. From what I gather, this sickness of hers has spread to most of her body. I don't think she is trying to fight it any longer."

Goku's eyes snapped open, suddenly filled with something that resembled a hybrid of sadness and pure anger, and energy began to build around him upon hearing King Kai's last statement. "What do you mean she's not fighting it?!" he ground out. 

"She wants to die, Goku. She's been dying for quite sometime now, but has been such a good actress that no one has picked up on it." King Kai shook his head.

"I don't understand-" Goku's power level went up another notch, influenced by the thoughts and feelings coursing through him at the moment.

"Maybe I can clear a path for you. You might be able to talk to her at some point, but I'm not sure if she'll believe that it is you. I think the only way you can get what's going in is by connecting with her." King Kai suggested, watching Goku sadly. The Saiya-jin should have known Chichi would die sooner or later, but accepting the death of a loved one wasn't easy. 

Goku managed to calm down and he nodded silently. He could try to talk to her once he found out what was happening. Maybe she could still be saved. He couldn't believe that Chichi, the woman who managed to intimidate just about everyone despite the fact that they seemed stronger, was giving up so easily to this cancer. It was a similar feeling to the one he had when she had first given up training after they married. She was so talented and she just stopped. Goku had had no doubts that she could have grown into a great fighter, but Chichi didn't seem to want any of it. He always thought it strange since he could see how much she wanted to fight later on. Goku could accept and respect her decision that time, but now? How could she give up now?

*Chichi...Chichi what are you doing?*

"Goku." King Kai said, interrupting the blond's thoughts.

"Hai?" Goku asked, blinking at the short blue fellow in front of him.

"Come have something to drink with me and I'll see what I can do." King Kai patted his back and led his old student into his house. This was going to be a long day. 

_**********_

"Gohan-chan...why did you come here on your own? Why not bring everyone else with you?" Chichi asked as she toiled over the stove, despite her eldest son's earlier protests to her cooking for him right then. Chichi knew that he sensed something wrong with her because of his over protectiveness, but she would not tell him of the war going on in her body. It was something she felt she had to battle out or let go of on her own, just as she had with everything else. When you are left alone for long periods of time, you tend to become very dependant on yourself. Even if you don't like it.

Gohan watched his mother work as hard as she usually did over the stove, but took note of the changes in her. His mom was skinnier and much more pale than usual. She seemed less anger driven, she was quieter, and she seemed lonely. Chichi never showed that...not on a normal basis anyway. Gohan was concerned for her not only because of how he had found her, but because she was continuously alone. 

*Maybe she should move in with Bulma and Vegeta...eh never mind. She wouldn't like that at all. Although I'm sure Vegeta wouldn't mind having someone that could cook around. Poor Bulma can build anything, but when it comes to dinner things just don't work.*

"I thought it'd be cool to just have it be me and you for a night. You know, like when I was young. Besides, I thought I should warn you a bit about Pan before she came over. She's turning into a rebel." Gohan chuckled, resting his head in his hands.

"Short shorts and halter tops?" Chichi asked, not turning around.

"No...more like training non stop and a loud mouth. She reminds me of you in some ways." He replied with a grin.

Chichi raised an eyebrow and turned around, "What exactly are you implying by that, young man? And get your elbows off my table!"

Gohan quickly removed his elbows, the smile not leaving his face, and he just continued to laugh quietly as Chichi set the plates of food on the table. There was the woman he grew up protected by.

"She also has a relationship with someone a bit older than her. Videl didn't like it at first, but there was nothing she could really do." Gohan continued before beginning to eat the first plate. He always ate slower than his younger brother and his father, mainly because Chichi had raised him very strictly on manners. Many of Chichi's rules had lasted in the way Gohan conducted himself and he had found in later years that studying had paid off. The emphasis on the mind had only helped him in the world. Now Gohan could understand why his mother had been so hard on him.

"Someone older? Who is it?" Chichi asked with great interest, her features lighting up slightly.

"Well..." Gohan paused and looked at her thoughtfully, "Would you be angry at all?"

"Angry about what? You haven't even told me who he is yet!" Chichi exclaimed, obviously becoming a little impatient with her son.

"Heh. I'm sure you'll hear it from her, so here it goes. She's seeing Trunks." Gohan said, watching the older woman's face for a reaction.

Chichi blinked, a little bit surprised due to the age gap, but since it was Bulma's son it didn't anger her as much. She knew Trunks and he was a good boy, just like her Gohan. As long as she knew him and he had her approval, then he could get away with it. *Kami help him if he ever hurts her...I'll go after him.*

"Mom?" Gohan asked.

"Well I guess it isn't so bad. I'm not angry." Chichi shrugged lightly. Perhaps if she was younger she would have found some reason to disapprove in order to protect her grand daughter. Right now, however, Chichi had no desire to argue with the girl. She loved her too much.

"That's great! You wouldn't mind if we all took a trip over to the Capsule Corp then, would you?" Gohan commenced attacking his food again, happy with the news that Chichi approved of his daughter's relationship with his friend.

"No. I haven't been there in a long time...it would be nice to visit Bulma for a change." Chichi nodded, smiling slightly as she watched her son eat. Although cooking for her boys took a lot of work, she was always pleased to see that they liked what she made for them.

"You mean you don't go down to see Bulma?" Gohan asked, raising his curious gaze to hers.

"No, Bulma comes to see me. I don't like leaving the house much because I like to keep it clean." Chichi said, her dark gaze challenging him slightly to ask her why. They both knew that she would never answer that question. 

After finishing the meal Chichi had made, Gohan helped his mother clean up and wiped down the kitchen for her. The mother and son duo then went out to the living room and sat down on the couch, merely enjoying one another's company. Gohan talked about his training and how he would take Videl out to train as well, since she hadn't given up on her training. Chichi delighted in hearing of how her grand daughter was doing and what life was like for Pan, which made the elderly woman forget her troubles and pain for a time. The evening had turned out sweet, balancing out the negativity from earlier on. Although the pain would not leave her being, Chichi was feeling better. Seeing her family safe had always brought her comfort and joy. What mother wouldn't feel better having her son home after a long period of absence? Goten's presence would be a relief as well, but Chichi was sure her thoughts of Goku and her approaching demise would resurface with her family about her. She could only hope that she could keep her secrets hidden. Gohan was already catching on, and Chichi didn't feel ready to tell her family just yet.

But then again...when do you ever feel ready to tell your family that you are going to die?


	3. Under the Blanket of Darkness

Falling by Jae-chan

Falling by Jae-chan

Story Stats  
Rated: PG  
Started: 9/9/2001  
Genre: Angst/Romance and not to mention a slight A/U  
Pairing: Chichi/Goku   
Setting: Well after Goku dies the last time. Chichi is in her late sixties.  
Random Note #1: I'm having Goku constantly in his Super Saiyajin form.  
Random Note #2: I know that in the series they said that only great warriors kept their bodies...but I'm just going to pretend that never happened. I'm also pretending Goku didn't go poof after he merged or whatever with the Eternal Dragon. That way...my story works. ^^; We'll just say only great warriors get to train at the Grand Kai's place. I'll base the general heaven more on what they had in the movie _What Dreams May Come_ and hell will be the equivalent to what it was in the series. You won't see much of this until later on in the story, but I just thought you should know that I'm not sticking to the exact facts.

***

Chapter 3: Under the Blanket of Darkness

"This is how it will work, Goku, so you have to listen to me carefully." King Kai said, watching his former student. Goku had been perfectly serious for more than half an hour, which was an unusual sight for King Kai. Every time he saw Goku there was that childish innocence to him, even though he could see the Saiyajin's mysterious intelligence shine through every so often. Now that Goku seemed to have lost that innocence completely (at least for the time being) King Kai was worried. 

"Since you and your wife seem to be bonded at the soul, getting through to her maybe easier than I first thought. HOWEVER, that doesn't mean she'll have to believe that it's you in her head or that she'll want to listen to you. The best times to see Chichi are when she is asleep. If Chichi becomes used to your presence within her mind, then you may be able to talk to her during her waking hours-"

"How does she get used to me?" Goku asked, his blue gaze searching Kai's for answers.

"Quiet, I'm not done yet!" King Kai snapped, "There's getting used to in a bad sense and a good sense. The Bad Sense would be that she starts to think she's going insane. Therefore she might actually go crazy. The Good Sense would be that she just accepts that you have a link to her.

Getting used to you is going to be difficult. You'll have to be with her constantly, but you won't be able to speak to her at first. While she's awake anyway. If you want her to get used to having your presence in her head, you'll have to be there with Chichi all of the time. Then when you finally talk to her while she's awake it won't seem so...weird."

"Okay, I get it." Goku said, nodding solemnly, "But how do I 'link' to her?"

"You don't link. I link and you go through. Think of it as a doorway to your wife's mind. Once you're in, then you just settle down. You'll begin to understand more when you are in Chichi's thoughts. The thing you must remember is to not lose yourself. Remember that you are not apart of the mortal world anymore and that you can only persuade. You can't change anything on your own." King Kai placed his hand on Goku's shoulder, "Whatever happens you can't stop it unless Chichi wants to."

Goku's fist clenched and unclenched before his shoulders relaxed under King Kai's hand. His old sensei was right; he couldn't let emotions get to him so much that he was blinded. If he wanted to help Chichi, he knew that he'd have to do it carefully. The last thing Goku would be able to bear would be knowing that he ruined his wife's mental state towards the end of her life.

"Are you ready?" King Kai asked quietly.

"Yeah, as much as I can be. What do I have to do?" Goku looked up at King Kai, curiosity creeping back into his features to mix with determination.

King Kai pointed to the mat in the middle of his living room floor and Goku quickly picked up on the hint. The blond warrior got up from his seat at the table to sit on the ground. Naturally taking a meditative position, Goku looked up at King Kai for his next instruction, obviously wanting to get into this as fast as possible.

"You're lucky that Chichi happens to be sleeping, or else we wouldn't be moving at your pace," King Kai grumbled, "Alright. Now try to concentrate on the piece of you that is connected to your wife and center all of your energy on that bond. You should feel almost as if you are intertwined with someone else...do you?"

Goku didn't respond for a few moments, his head lost in the sudden haze of emotions that had stormed his mind, and it took a bit of fighting for him to recognize himself again. While warmth radiated from the bond Goku had brushed with his mind, Goku had managed to feel sorrow, fear, loneliness and strength mixed with that warmth and all of his own emotions. 

*Wow...I never realized how strong that was until I really focused on it. I bet Chichi doesn't even know it exists...*

"Goku?!" King Kai exclaimed, poking the Saiyajin hard. 

"Hai. Gomen, it took me a few seconds. Now what?" Goku asked, out of breath.

"Close your eyes and hang on to that bond. I'll get you in. Hold on to your hat..." King Kai trailed off as his antennas began to glow faintly.

Goku cracked an eye open to look at King Kai and a confused frown touched his lips. "Hat? Was I supposed to be wearing a hat?" he asked.

King Kai sighed as he shook his head...there was the guy everyone knew and loved. "No Goku. Never mind. Just concentrate."

***

Chichi crossed her arms tightly over her chest as she slept, for the fiery pain within her did not dissipate even in her dreams. Sometimes silent tears would run down her cheeks through the night, but that was only because she wasn't awake to stop them. Her dreams were blank tonight, memories not haunting her because of the pain she was in, and her mind took a depressed repose in that black abyss of unconsciousness.

Within her mind, Chichi sat alone on a single black stool. In her dreams she still held her youth, but she lacked the innocent eyes she once had to the world. Her midnight gaze reflected the experience of an old woman and her posture showed the strength she held herself with. In this dark void, Chichi's appearance was much more relaxed as well. Her obsidian strands were long and flowed down her back and she wore a simple white housedress with a neckline that dipped below her collarbone. One would never see Chichi dressed as she was now in the real world. The only one to ever catch a glimpse of her this way was Goku.

The dark haired woman sat silently in the darkness, not completely oblivious to what was happening to her body yet not willing to act on it. Her arms were wrapped around herself to keep herself warm in the chill of the void. The chill only became stronger the longer she sat, and soon her breath formed into ice crystals that shattered by her feet.

This was the sight that greeted Goku when he fell into Chichi's mind with the help of King Kai. 

Shocked blue eyes fell on the lone figure in white that clashed against the darkness, and Goku drew in a sharp breath upon feeling how cold it was. A faint pain stabbed at his chest as he regarded Chichi, but realized that she had yet to see him at all.

*She always reacted fast, so why wouldn't she notice someone falling ten feet away from her?* Goku thought, watching the icicles from his own breath fall to the ground, *It's freezing in here! What's happening?*

Goku walked slowly over to his wife while his ki flared around him to keep him warm and give off light. He was hoping that it would get her attention...maybe she would respond in someway. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. Chichi just continued to stare ahead into nothing. 

*Aren't dreams supposed to be different than this?* he thought sadly.

The Saiyajin reached out a tentative hand and placed it on Chichi's shoulder, and upon feeling how cold her skin was, Goku placed his other hand on her shoulder. "Chichi?" he managed to whisper, the shattering of ice following his words.

It took a minute or two for Chichi to register the warm hands on her shoulders and the voice whispering her name. Her head turned slightly to see one of the glowing hands and her brow furrowed as her chilled fingers reached up to touch it softly. The woman in white spun around slowly so that she could face the owner of these hands to see who dared to enter the deepest recesses of her mind. Chichi's onyx gaze rose to clash with the bright blue eyes of a man who had long been dead in her life, and her fingers froze over the hand on her shoulder.

"Goku..." she breathed, her voice barely audible.

Her husband could not unlock his gaze from hers as he searched her visage as if he was looking for the answer to life. After seeing the fire gone from the eyes that he had come to miss so much in death, Goku couldn't just stand there. It was too much. In less than a second Chichi found herself in the embrace of a very protective Saiyajin who stroked her hair as her shocked body slowly relaxed into him.

As Goku held Chichi to him, an assault of mental images hit him hard for wondering what had been happening to her. Visions appeared of the secret visits to the doctor and finding out that tumors had spread through out her body, her refusal of chemotherapy, her loneliness with the absence of her family, how she lied to Bulma about her sickness, how she tried to carry on her life as usual although she was always in pain...how she was in pain even now...

His eyes shut as rage and sorrow clouded them. He still could not understand how she could not fight this. Goku was shaken from his personal thoughts when he felt Chichi cling to him tightly and bury her head in his chest. His gaze opened and softened instantly as Goku felt her tears soak his shirt. Being in her dreams was almost like being alive again.

Chichi held him tightly to her, afraid that he would disappear again and leave her alone. The chill of the void was forgotten against the warmth of his presence, but her life was not misplaced in her memory. She didn't care why she was seeing Goku now or how he got there. Chichi just wanted him to stay.

"Don't leave me again..." she sobbed, never looking up.

"Shh, it's okay Chi...I'm not going anywhere." Goku reassured her, squeezing a little tighter as if it would help stop her sorrow.

"You always leave. Training, fighting, visiting someone other than me, dying..." she sniffed, feeling him take all of her weight upon himself.

Goku tilted her head up and wiped the stray tears from her face with his thumb. Allowing his saddened gaze to drop to hers, and his head tilted to the side as he watched her. "Chichi, you have me and I won't leave," he said as his finger brushed across her lips, "I promise."

Chichi's gaze never left those blue eyes as she allowed him to caress her face. Many things had changed about him, but that gentleness was still there. The purity Goku seemed to hold despite his power remained. The man she loved was in those eyes amidst all of the other glorious things he had become over his lifetime. "You promise?" she asked softly, almost as if she was the child he first met decades ago.

He had never seen her like this when he was alive, even when her strength flickered, and it was only now that Goku was beginning to understand what happened when he died. All of her internal barriers that she had held up were gone, eaten through by whatever blows they had already sustained, and everything that she was had started to fall apart. Goku had been amazed when Chichi had been able to survive his final death, since their bond had already been battered in the past. Any normal person would have perished, but Chichi had kept going and managed to raise Goten with Gohan's help. What Goku hadn't seen was that Chichi's death had been prolonged for many years. In reality, Chichi hadn't been able to handle Goku's death and the emotional illness left from that had slowly deteriorated her strength over the years. Only in the past decade had Chichi developed cancer and it was a mystery to doctors where she had gotten it from. Everything about Chichi's lifestyle was healthy except for her emotional state. There was no scientific explanation for it.

Goku found it hard to respond to Chichi as visions and realizations hit him constantly, but having her midnight black eyes settled on his own helped pull Goku back to a degree of control. Goku smiled that assuring smile he wore before every fight and rested his forehead against hers. A small sigh escaped him as he felt her begin to wake up...consciousness wanted her back. His lips hovered dangerously close to her own, the sparkle of undying optimism in his eyes. "I already said it Chichi, besides...I never left."

Chichi blinked up at him in confusion as his lips softly touched her own, but the kiss quickly distracted her from her questioning thoughts. Chichi's eyes fluttered shut as he deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding into her mouth to possess her, and she felt her knees weaken as he locked his arms tightly about her waist.

When Chichi opened her eyes to look at him again, she found herself in her bed with a familiar pain running through her chest. A soft frown crossed her lips as she sat up in the darkness of the morning. *All a dream...it isn't fair.* 

With a small grunt she managed to get out of bed and ignoring the pain, she stumbled into the bathroom. Today was going to be long.

Meanwhile Goku watched from the recesses of her mind, his wife's eyes acting as his own as he observed her as silently as possible. Already he could sense how difficult this was going to be.


	4. Asking the Heavens

Falling by Jae-chan 

Story Stats  
Rated: PG  
Started: 9/9/2001  
Genre: Angst/Romance and not to mention an A/U  
Pairing: Chichi/Goku  
Setting: Well after Goku dies the last time. Chichi is in her late sixties.  
Random Note #1: I'm having Goku constantly in his Super Saiyajin form.  
Random Note #2: I know that in the series they said that only great warriors kept their bodies...but I'm just going to pretend that never happened. I'm also pretending Goku didn't go poof after he merged or whatever with the Eternal Dragon. That way...my story works. ^^; I'll base the general heaven more on what they had in the movie _What Dreams May Come_ and hell will be the equivalent to what it was in the series. You won't see much of this until later on in the story, but I just thought you should know that I'm not sticking to the exact facts. 

Update Note: I'm sorry for the huge delay! I got stuck on a part of this chapter and I haven't been able to get past it yet…so here's what I have so far. I hope it's okay. ^^; 

*** 

Chapter 4: Asking the Heavens 

Chichi grunted as she lifted an iron skillet onto the stove and barely managed to set it down without a large thud. She had woken up early so that Gohan wouldn't see her struggling with lifting things in the kitchen. He would definitely know something was wrong if he saw her like this and the last thing she wanted right now was for her son to know that she was... 

"Mom?" 

Turning slightly, Chichi settled her obsidian gaze on her son and smiled warmly at him. "Yes Gohan? Did you sleep well?" 

Gohan eyed her curiously. "Are you alright?" 

Chichi plastered a confused look on her face and nodded as she cracked eggs to wisk for scrambled eggs. "Of course." 

"Good...I'm going to go pick up Videl and Pan from the train station in town. I'll be back a little later." Gohan smiled and gave her a kiss on the cheek. 

"Couldn't they just fly?" Chichi asked, glancing back as Gohan picked up his coat. 

"Yeah, but Pan wanted to see what it was like to ride the train and Videl needed a break. I thought it would be nice to go around town again too. Is that all right? Do you want to come a long, mom?" 

"No, I should stay here and get lunch and dinner ready. You go ahead, I've got a lot of cooking to do." 

"Are you sure?" 

"What did I just say, Gohan?" 

"Erm...I'll get going. Bye mom!" 

Chichi sighed as Gohan ran out the door and collapsed into a nearby chair as she let the pan heat up. Brushing a silver strand from her eyes, Chichi's face relaxed and she shut her eyes against the natural light filtering into the kitchen. "I'm so tired," she sighed. 

_You should have gone with him. _

Chichi's eyes shot open and she looked around the room. Looking down at her hand that shakily gripped her chair, Chichi shook her head sadly. *I thought he was here again...Kami-sama, I thought I had gotten past that stage.* 

* 

~Goku! What did I tell you?!~ King Kai cried into Goku's mind as he bapped the meditating Saiyajin upside the head. 

~I was just testing the waters...don't worry, she thought it was her imagination. I'd need to say something again to get her to think otherwise.~ 

King Kai sighed as he felt Goku's growing concern and sorrow over the matter increase. This could only get worse as time progressed. Didn't the man know that he couldn't save her again? Not only was he dead, but Chichi was old and had a fatal disease. No amount of fighting could possibly prolong her life much longer. King Kai had to wonder what he was up to. 

*It couldn't hurt him to speed up the process, but only if he's careful. I don't know how much he knows what he's doing. I suppose the best way to figure this all out is to ask.* 

~What are you planning?~ King Kai asked hesitantly. 

There was a pause for a few moments before Goku's voice sounded over their mental connection. 

~I want to get her to fight again. She gave it up and I want her to get it back.~ 

~She's an old woman, Goku. An old /human/ woman. She's lived too long to fight. Don't you see that?~ 

~You're wrong King Kai. This woman can always fight, it will always be in her blood. I don't know why she doesn't accept it, but Chichi was always a warrior in some way. No housewife could ever swing a frying pan like she could.~ 

~Goku. She's tired of living. She's been through too much. Let her cross. There's a time for everyone.~  
  
~And let her give up? No...no I won't let her. She'd never forgive me. It's still there, even now. Her strength hasn't died and she can't either. I'm going to get through to her. She has to want to live, she has to...~ 

~Goku this isn't healthy.~ 

~What she's doing to herself is?! I haven't helped her for too long and I see that now, but I'm here. I won't let her kill herself like this. She doesn't deserve this kind of death. I've got to concentrate now, King Kai. I'll talk to you later.~ 

* 

Chichi pushed herself up from her chair and walked over to the stove once she was sure the pan had heated up. As she gathered her ingredients she suddenly felt a familiar presence, but when she looked up from the refrigerator there was no one in the room or nearby. 

*Strange...* 

_You mean you haven't felt it before?_

Chichi nearly dropped her bowl at the sound of that voice. "Who's playing this awful trick on me? Gohan?! That isn't funny!" 

_Gohan left for the train station. It's just you and me, Chi._

Her midnight gaze squeezed shut as she tried to block the voice out. *It's just me going insane again...* 

_No. I told you that I would be home didn't I? I just didn't mean it in the way you thought I did._

*You lied to me, it was cruel.* 

Chichi blinked at that and set down her spices and flour. Perhaps she would need to go see a therapist...she had never talked to herself before. It was then that she noticed the fading of the presence, that warm presence that had filled her up with feelings she hadn't experienced since- 

*Goku.* 

_...I'm sorry that you thought I lied._

*I can't let myself do this again-* 

_I'm real Chichi. King Kai helped me to talk to you. I'm right here, in your mind. Inside of you...that's why you can feel my ki from where you are_. 

*How is that possible? You've never done this before. There must be something wrong with me.* 

The dark haired woman began to stir the dish she was making with a frown marring her face. The pain in her chest was beginning to return, but she didn't pay attention to it. A voice in her head was distracting her too much. 

_There is something wrong with you, but it isn't me. Do you believe that I'm real? You have to just let yourself do it._

*I...it's too much. Just leave me alone.* 

_I think I've done that enough, don't you?_

*I...Goku...* 

Chichi pressed her hand to her forehead as the pain finally struck hard enough to get her attention and felt her knees nearly go out under her. Grasping the stove, Chichi struggled to deal with the waves of hurt that came after the initial strike. 

_Get on the floor, Chichi, quick._

*No, I can deal with this-* 

_Now!_

Shocked from the fact that Goku could yell at her and the fact that she knew that she'd pass out at any second, Chichi sat on the floor and felt nausea smack her in the face. Her head spun from the feelings coursing through her and when it became too much for her to bear, Chichi allowed the darkness to cover her and passed out on the cool kitchen floor. 

* 

"_Cold...it's so cold here..." Chichi whispered to herself as she wrapped her arms about her shivering body, desperately trying to warm herself in the icy blue winter around her. She was startled when a pair of arms wrapped themselves around her and her eyes snapped open when comforting heat spread over her like a blanket. This feeling of protection, like nothing could ever harm her, could only come from one person. Chichi turned, her now youthful face looking up into the concerned blue eyes of her husband, and she found herself locked tightly against him in mere moments of making eye contact. _

_ "Chichi," he murmured letting his head drop to her shoulder. _

_ Chichi was startled by how affectionate he was at first, since it had been such a long time since they were in a private enough place for him to open up to her in such a way. Sure there were dreams...but now that she knew it was /him/...She soon relaxed into his hold, however, and just let him hold her. _

_ "Why, Chichi?" he asked, his voice becoming more stern despite how he was holding her. _

_ "Why what?" she returned in a dazed and slightly confused tone. _

_ Goku lifted his head and allowed the anger and sadness at the way she had been acting filter through slightly into the pools of midnight he now stared into. "Why are you letting yourself die?" _

_ Suddenly those pools of darkness seemed to freeze over like ice, and Goku could tell that she was shocked at first, but that soon faded away into anger. _

_ "Letting myself die? LETTING MYSELF DIE?! Don't you –dare- talk to me about dying, Son Goku! I have out lived you for decades...decades that WE were supposed to be growing old together for!" Chichi yelled pushing him away. _

_ "I had to raise Goten all by myself and had to go to Gohan's graduation alone! Gohan got married while you weren't around and Goten went through school without you too! Where were you? You were dead! Don't look at me like that, that angry look...you have no right to be mad at me. You picked those fights over us, over me and then never returned. You're the one who died and left us all alone! I stayed because SOMEONE had to take care of our boys and keep them from losing their heads in senseless battle! Someone had to teach them not to fight with their fists, but with their minds. I had to make sure they didn't mess up and leave their families too. Being Saiyajin was no excuse...not at all. It wasn't as easy to leave for me as it was for you, I loved them too much! You just died over and over and then never came back!" _

_ Goku had taken a step back as if she had stabbed him deeply with a knife, but at the same time his aura flared about him. Something in his eyes snapped at her accusation, but Chichi stood her ground, her black locks whipping about her face from the harsh wind of her unconsciousness. A deadly silence dropped over the two and they just stared at eachother, using looks to let their anger bleed out. _

_ Finally Goku spoke, his tones low and barely controlled, "I didn't give up. I didn't choose to leave. Why don't you get it yet that I –had- to enter those battles? No one else could have won them. Did you want everyone to die?" _

_ "No, I wanted you to live!" Chichi growled out. _

_ "I couldn't." Goku's fiery gaze narrowed. _

_ "Yes you could have! You could have done anything! I believed in you and you left me!" _

_ Chichi blinked as Goku's form disappeared for a mere second and nearly jumped when he reappeared before her and took hold of her shoulders. His grip on her was rougher this time, almost to the point of hurting her, but Chichi didn't show him. Glaring defiantly into that angry azure gaze, Chichi tried to push him away again, but didn't succeed. _

_ "Damn it, Goku, let me go!" she humphed, pounding against his chest. _

_ "No, cut it out Chichi." _

_ "Let. Me. Go." _

_ "Never." _

_ When Chichi struggled again, Goku shook her lightly and tried to harness his anger so it didn't escape so easily. Underneath the anger was pain, however. Pain at knowing he had failed her and left her to live with those feelings bottled up for so long. He had been dead too long for him to doubt his judgement. Everyone else saw his sacrifice for what it was, but Chichi was different. She was always unique. _

_ "You know I had to fight, don't you? Don't you?" he asked, forcing her to look at him. _

_ "Yes." _

_ "If I could have come back in the flesh I would have, but the best I've been able to do is watch you. Do you know what I've been through, Chichi? I feel my bond to you everyday and yet I know I can't talk to you. I hear your thoughts, I feel your emotion, I see you...but I can't touch you. I'm supposed to be in heaven. I'm a hero up there. You should see how the Kais treat me. But with you, it always seems like I'm in hell. I can't shake it. I never left you because it was impossible. I NEVER LEFT YOU. Why don't you know how much I've given to keep you safe? Why don't you know how much of me belongs to you?!" Goku said, his voice rising as his grip became tighter. _

_ Chichi slumped in his grip, "It's hard to remember when I barely ever see you." _

_ "Hard to remember? What's happened to you?" _

_ "I've gotten older and lonelier, Goku. You may be able to feel what I do and see me everyday...but I have nothing of you except memories. I'm always waiting for someone to visit me because I don't have the strength to go out. The highlights of my life have always been my family, Goku, and now that they have moved away I'm not the pillar I needed to be for so many years. I'm an old housewife with no one in the house to tend to..." Tears fell softly from Chichi's eyes and she shook her head. "I died the day you did, Goku. The only difference between you and I is that I never passed. With you, I too am always in hell. Just on Earth instead of in the afterlife." _

_ Chichi felt the tears being brushed from her face by Goku's hands and she nuzzled those warm hands slightly. The harsh words and the explosion of bottled up emotions lacked the importance of the feeling of him with her. Yes, she was in pain, but she also knew that Goku didn't always understand it. How could he? She constantly blocked him off from her. _

_ Goku watched her silently as he caressed her soft features with his fingers. She had definitely been broken by his death, there was no doubt in his mind about that. It was even to the point where she still lacked faith in his connection to her. "You're not a housewife, Chichi...you were never meant to be a housewife. I know what you feel now, but you can't give up. You have the blood of a warrior running in your veins and the strength of your will has always beaten mine. This giving up isn't you. You need this fight, Chichi. I don't know why you gave it all up, but you need to come back to it now." _

_ "It's over Goku." Chichi said, shaking, "It's too late." _

_ "Don't give up. You can beat it." Goku urged. _

_ "I'm too weak to live without you. I accepted the fact that I was going to die. Why can't you?" she asked softly. Her dark eyes bore into the brightness of his own. _

_ "For the same reason that you can't see why I had to go fight." Goku said simply. _

_ "You're stubborn." _

_ "Exactly." Goku smiled, his arms wrapping loosely around Chichi's slim waist. Despite the glare he received from her, Goku 'innocently' cuddled his wife and there was very little she could do to get around it. With an exasperated sigh, Chichi allowed him to bring her closer, since she wasn't going anywhere. _

_ "Will you fight it, Chichi?" he asked. _

_ "...I don't think I can." _

_ "That's not what I asked." _

_ "Don't make me promise you..." _

_ "Look at me," Goku said, forcing her chin up so that her dark eyes were locked with his. "I will do anything to make you fight, Chichi. If that means binding you to a promise, then I will. I won't let you do this anymore now that I know what it's like in here. I couldn't fix things in life, but I'm not going to screw them up in death. I'm here –now-. Take me in this form. I'll be here, protecting just like always. So promise me." _

_ "I..." _

_* _

"Mom..." Gohan murmured as he knelt beside her hospital bed. Videl, Pan and Gohan had taken her to the hospital as soon as they had found her on the kitchen floor. Bulma was the second person that had been called and they were expecting her to show up with or without Vegeta in a few moments. 

"What on Earth is wrong with her? And why wouldn't any of us know?" Videl asked queitly placing her hands on her husband's shoulders. 

"Perhaps she didn't tell you because the outcome is worse than she wanted anyone to know." 

Gohan turned to see Bulma standing in the doorway with Chichi's medical chart and a grim look on her face. Anger danced in her aged blue gaze, but Bulma kept it in check. Gohan could tell how she felt by how rigid her posture was and the way she clutched at the clipboard in her hands. *She's going to snap it in half if she keeps it up...* 

Vegeta calmly took the chart from Bulma and looked at it, his features frozen over in their characteristic coldness. Gohan could never really tell what the Saiyajin prince felt when he was like this, but he couldn't say that he would have felt much. Chichi and Vegeta had never been on good terms. Chichi never forgave people who tried to hurt her family easily and Vegeta never had the patience or the desire to have Chichi see him any differently than how she wanted to see him. The prince leaned against the doorframe, occasionally eyeing Bulma and looking around the hospital room. 

"She has what you Earthlings call 'cancer'. It's seriously advanced and they don't expect her to live much longer." Vegeta said, his explanation sounding all too simple for the circumstances. 

"What do you mean she has cancer?!" Gohan exclaimed angrily, glaring at the couple in the doorway. 

"Gohan, she's had it for a while and the doctors believe she's known about it. She's known she was going to die fast without treatment." Bulma said, her azure gaze locking on Chichi's still form. 

"But...she was so strong just the other day..." Gohan looked back at his mother. 

"She's always been that way." Videl said, "Your mom could fool anyone." 

"I wouldn't say it was fooling." Vegeta said. 

"Then what WOULD you call it?" Videl shot back. 

Vegeta actually had the nerve to smirk at her, "Endurance." 

Gohan, Videl, and even Bulma blinked at Vegeta, but didn't have much of a chance to respond. They were cut off by a nearly inaudible groan from the bed and a slight movement underneath the white sheets. 

"What...where am I?" Chichi asked blinking against the bright light of the room. 

"You're in the hospital, Mom, and we have a lot of talking to do." 

Chichi blinked as she noticed all of the people in the room with their gazes pinning her down. The only one that she didn't find hostility or pure sadness in was Vegeta's, and she actually had to admit that it was a comfort. 

~_You might as well tell them now...but I think they already know._~

*I wonder how you could tell...* 

"I suppose so." Chichi said, a weak smile lighting her features. 
    
     


	5. Beginning the Descent

Falling by Jae-chan 

Story Stats  
Rated: PG  
Started: 9/9/2001  
Genre: Angst/Romance and not to mention an A/U  
Pairing: Chichi/Goku  
Setting: Well after Goku dies the last time. Chichi is in her late sixties.  
Random Note #1: I'm having Goku constantly in his Super Saiyajin form.  
Random Note #2: I know that in the series they said that only great warriors kept their bodies...but I'm just going to pretend that never happened. I'm also pretending Goku didn't go poof after he merged or whatever with the Eternal Dragon. That way...my story works. ^^; I'll base the general heaven more on what they had in the movie _What Dreams May Come_ and hell will be the equivalent to what it was in the series. You won't see much of this until later on in the story, but I just thought you should know that I'm not sticking to the exact facts. 

Update Note: Wow…it's been a long time, ne? I don't know if anyone even still waits for me to put out new chapters, but I'm sorry for dropping this for so long. I just kinda hit a big block and couldn't get around it. There have been people close to me who have died from or are battling with cancer and that has made it hard for me to finish this… I suppose I didn't want to think of Chichi's condition for a while. Thank you to the people who reviewed my last chapters and I hope that I'll get through this story to make it a good ending. 

-----

Chapter Five: Beginning the Descent

 "And so I've been going on ever since…it wasn't that I didn't want to tell any of you. I just couldn't find the right time. I knew if I told you, you'd make me take treatment-"

"You're damn right I would have made you go into chemotherapy! You at least would have had a chance, Chichi, but you didn't open your stupid mouth. What the hell was going through your head? Do you know what will happen to you? How you will die? Shit…shit!" Bulma yelled, cutting her off. She held her hand to her forehead as tears escaped her eyes to slide down her cheeks. Yes she was pissed, but she was frustrated too. Why hadn't she seen it before? She could have done something. Now it really was too late. Bulma didn't see anyway of stopping Chichi's cancer in its advanced stage and neither did the doctors. Any attempt they would make would be a total loss.

"I knew what I was doing, Bulma," Chichi said softly, "I knew the consequences of my choice when I made it. The truth is…I've wanted to die for a very long time, but I couldn't. I didn't want to leave abruptly and not be able to say goodbye to my family, I didn't have a battle in which I could fall honorably as my father would have wanted, but all of the sudden I discovered that I had this disease. If I chose to fight it, I would spend my days in this horrid, white place and live in fear of what was to happen to me. I would lose my hair, my pride, and I would probably feel weaker than I do right now. Besides, I don't even want this life now, why should I fight for it? I no longer have anyone depending on me. My boys have new families, new lives. My husband is dead. I'm a mother in an empty house and I want the peace I've been waiting for since Goku left me all those years ago."

Chichi's dark eyes fell on Gohan and she smiled, tears welling in her eyes, and placed her hand over his. "I'm sorry, Gohan-chan. I'm sorry I didn't tell you and Goten. This must hurt a lot and it is all my fault…"

Gohan smiled back at her and squeezed her hand in return. It took him a few moments to beat back the sorrow that choked the words in his throat, but when Videl's hand fell on his back he gained enough strength to talk. "D-don't worry about it, Mom. I understand…why you've been so sad now. I'm sorry I didn't see it. I'm sorry that none of us could fill the hole he left you." He whispered, leaning forward to hug her. Chichi reached up and held him to her, closing her eyes as she buried her face in his hair. "Gohan…"

_Chichi…_

*I'm sorry Goku. I can't promise you. I can't…this is it…*

_No! Dammit-_

*Listen. I made a choice. I realize that now. You're so good at distracting me from my points…I can't make a promise I can't keep. I can't fight this now, Goku. It's too late.*

…

*Goku…*

Vegeta watched Chichi carefully as he took Bulma's arm and literally dragged her out of the room, and his eyes narrowed slightly before he lost sight of the dark haired woman completely. He knew it. There was something else she had left out of her explanation and Vegeta knew because he could feel another faint ki in the room while she was talking. Chichi had a powerful bond with someone, which meant that Goku was with her in some form or another. With her in a very strong, odd sense that Vegeta didn't quite understand. He'd have to find out about it later. Right now, his onna was being irrational and what she would call 'insensitive'. Stupid human emotions…

"Onna." Vegeta said, looking her in the face.

"Why did you drag me out of there?" she snapped in response, offering Vegeta one of the scariest glares she could dish out. Although not nearly as dangerous as anything he could come up with, her glare was formidable enough for Vegeta to pause for a few moments.

"Because someone needed to shut you up and set you straight. Pay attention," Vegeta ground out, pushing her down in a nearby chair, "Chichi is bonded to Goku."

"Well duh, they're married you idiot." Bulma rolled her eyes. Was /this/ what he wanted to talk about? Stupid Saiyan arrogance…

"Not a pathetic human ritual bonding, onna! She's his life mate in Saiyan terms…what you would call a soul mate here. Her life is his and his is hers. They're connected in spirit." Vegeta explained, ignoring her glares and eye rolling inorder to keep his temper in check.

"And that means…?" Bulma raised an eyebrow at him.

"Do I have to explain EVERYTHING for you?! By all rights, she should have been dead the moment he died the final time!"

"Wha…you mean she…but that doesn't mean anything, surely it's possible to-"

"No. It's a bond, I can feel it from where I stand. You can't be bonded to a dead person and survive. It was a known fact on Vegetasei, which is why it was viewed as the ultimate weakness by the upper class. The royal family is specifically bred so that we don't bond with our mates. I don't know how Goku's woman lived through being seperated from him, but she did." Vegeta crossed his arms and leaned against the opposite wall, watching Bulma stumble along in confusion within her own mind. For a genius, it took her forever to get a grasp on things. "She's missing part of herself. This cancer, or whatever you want to call it, has probably been building up with her emotions. It's the death that she beat back all those years ago, onna, she can't fight it. Even if she had tried in the beginning, she would have failed eventually. She's a human, after all."

Bulma stared blankly at her husband before getting up and slapping him across the face. Not that it did anything, but she needed to let him now how pissed off she was somehow. "Bastard. She could beat anything that she wanted to. Instead she chose to just sit there and let her sons and her grandchildren watch her die. You're as stupid as she is." Bulma snapped before turning and walking out of the hospital wing towards her car. Vegeta just watched her go. He hadn't missed the tears welling in her eyes when she turned away and he knew she was upset, but there was no use trying to use logic or anything else with the woman. She wanted to be stubborn now and he didn't feel like dealing with her. The Saiyan prince looked back at the door to the room once before turning to leave as well. He didn't need to waste time at the hospital if Bulma wasn't going to stay. Vegeta frowned, walked out the way his onna had and then headed off to train. He had some thinking to do.

~*~

Goku's eyes shot open as he found his mind back where his body was in King Kai's house. There was no way he could have stayed there any longer, watching Chichi as she made her decision or feeling her sorrow when she was comforting their children. He didn't like the outcome of all this, he didn't like that he couldn't stop the inevitable bad ending of this…it was unlike his battles where he didn't have to witness the aftermath if he screwed up. Goku's body tensed as wave after wave of frustration and anger built up in him causing his power levels to rise uncontrollably. His light blue eyes clenched shut as he tried to block out the heated feelings that came with the hopelessness he held inside of him and cool the fire coursing through his blood. He was so busy struggling with himself that he didn't notice when King Kai came to rest his hand on his shoulder. A soft gasp was the Saiyan's response to the gesture, his head tilting up immediately to look into King Kai's stern features. 

 "Now you know what she went through your battles, ne?" he asked quietly, "You truly understand that this time you can't save her…that she doesn't want to be saved by you."  
  


 "King Kai…I…"  
  


 "Sometimes people get tired, Goku. No matter what happy ending you gave them all those years ago, it wasn't happy for your wife. War was never happy for Chichi. Yes, she was a great warrior for all the limits that tried to hold her back. She still is. Yet she's different than the other Earth warriors and not just because she's a woman. You'll have to find out why she never continued to fight to understand your mate, Goku. And you'll have to find a way to accept her sad, but wise decision to leave the mortal realm. No matter how strong she appears, your wife needs you to be near her now. As you said to her earlier, you've left her alone quite enough." The fighting master explained.  
  


Goku nodded, looking down at his hands, "You heard all of that?"  
  


 "I didn't mean to, but I was your channel so some parts filtered into my range of hearing." King Kai replied, an apologetic look crossing his blue features.  
  


 "Don't worry about it, King Kai. I'm going to go off for a while to clear my head…I need to think. You can help me get back later?" he asked, standing up slowly to make sure he didn't bang his head on King Kai's ceiling. Goku avoided looking into his old teacher's eyes, as to not show the unshed tears building in his shining blue eyes, and turned towards the door.   
  


 "Of course," King Kai responded, watching Goku nod again silently before walking out onto the lawn. The short blue Kai followed the blond to the door, watching the Saiyan's ki flare before he blasted off from the small planet at lightspeed. King Kai knew what Goku was going through, but there was little he could do for the man now. Goku had to come to terms with the fact that his idea of a good ending wasn't always the same as everyone else's. The man couldn't be a hero all of the time, no matter how strong he was. Now that Goku was dead and would probably stay that way…well, there was a new life he had to deal with. This realm was just as vibrant as the mortal realm in it's own way. Eternity could be bad or good, depending on what one did with it. King Kai could only hope that Goku chose to do something good with it.

*

Gohan sat holding onto Chichi's hand until she had fallen asleep once again, unable to take his eyes off of her face the entire time. Videl had left with Pan to go get Goten who had been tired from his journey and too shocked about Chichi to come see her right away. Now that she was asleep, Gohan thought it might be a little easier for him to collect himself before talking to her. In a way Gohan still couldn't believe his mother wanted to die for all this time. She never seemed miserable or upset when he visited her or talked to her on the phone. How could she hold so much pain for so long and never let it show? Complaining or fussing from his mother was much different than seeing her truly suffer and Gohan felt horrible for not being able to see it. Goten would too…everyone would. Chichi seemed to live for everyone but herself, always putting thoughts of her family before her individual needs, and Gohan felt like somehow he had taken advantage of that by not visiting her more often when he left. He had failed to remember that family was Chichi's life. She had given up her training, her father, what she was used to…all to raise a family with Goku and be a good mother. Yet that was slowly all taken away from her by war. As a child Gohan hadn't understood it, he just thought his mom was being overprotective when she tried to make him forget his saiyan heritage to be a bookworm. His father hadn't understood either, being so wrapped up in saving everyone and furthering his abilities to be able to protect everyone better. Now Gohan saw how he, his dad and Goten had wronged Chichi, even if they had no choice, and a heavy guilt tore at his heart for not recognizing the problem earlier. In a way, they had left her all alone in the world, letting the worth of her sacrifices diminish into nothing. No wonder she had felt isolated and useless. 

"Oh mom…" Gohan sighed, bending his head to rest it against the hand he held gently between his own. Shutting his midnight gaze, Gohan allowed his senses to focus on his mother's breathing and he took comfort in its regularity. A single tear slid down his cheek in the soft silence of the room, hitting the floor with a light splash as the trail it left dried slowly on his skin. "I love you."

*

"Uncle Goten! Wake up!" Pan shouted, hitting her sleeping uncle in the face with a sturdy pillow. Upon being smacked in the face with a pillow moving at a speed nearly fast enough to break the sound barrier, Goten let out a cry of surprise and fell off the couch he had been comfortably sleeping on. "What what what? Has anything happened? Did I miss anything?" Goten asked, suddenly looking alert. Pan sighed and shook her head. "Grandma is at the hospital with my dad now and dad wants you to come down because she sleeping. He says it'll be easier to talk to you there and that's why he didn't call." 

"Oh…alright, I'll head over there then. Where's Videl?" Goten got off the floor and straightened his rumpled clothes. Sick or not, his mom would freak out if he went out looking messy. 

"Right here, Goten. I'll make dinner tonight." Videl said, popping her head out of the kitchen and waving a spoon at him, "Go on and don't tell Chichi I'm using her pans."

"She'll kill you, I know." He mumbled back running his hand through his dark hair before heading out the door. *I hope Videl doesn't burn down the house… I think I'll stay somewhere else to avoid her cooking. I'd rather eat Bulma's food.*

It didn't take Goten very long to get to the hospital, but getting to the room his mother was in was a bit more difficult because Goten was unaccustomed to the maze the white halls of a hospital could be. After getting a few nice nurses to help him out, Goten finally made it to the open door of Chichi's room. He hesitated for a moment, trying to prepare himself mentally for seeing his mother weak and sick before he stepped in. When he was finally collected, Goten walked in to the room with the intention of shoving the feelings of fear completely away. Unfortunately he had to see his older brother bent over, holding his mother's hand with a deep sorrow etched on his features that Goten had never witnessed. Gohan wasn't as cheery as his dad was or how he could be, but Goten never saw him like this. Whether Gohan carried more of Chichi in him or not didn't matter. This was a drastic change in his strong persona and it rocked Goten enough to bring his fears back at full force. "Gohan…" Goten called quietly, his eyes wide as he quietly stepped towards his brother.

Gohan's head shot up as his eyes cleared of memoried to stare into the confused and frightened eyes of his younger brother. "Hey, I was wondering when you would get here," Gohan whispered, feeling his throat tighten, "I'm not going to lie to you. She's not doing well. Mom…she…"

The youngest son of Chichi and Goku stepped next to Gohan to put a hand on his shoulder, his face just as distraught as his brother's. "You don't have to explain it."

"I have to." Gohan looked up into Goten's eyes, "She can't be here anymore. She's suffering in her heart too…you need to know that mom isn't going to fight it. We're taking her home tomorrow."

Goten went pale at Gohan's words, looking back to where Chichi slept on the bed. She /wanted/ to leave them? Since when did his mother ever desert her family? It must have been the sickness talking. They had to treat her! When the wild feelings reached Goten's eyes, Gohan shook his head softly at him, which caused Goten to fall into bewilderment. "You actually believe that she would agree to leave us of her own free will?" he whispered, his voice nearly a hiss. 

"She doesn't want to leave us," Gohan responded firmly, holding the limp hand he held in his just a little tighter, "She's tired of living without dad. She feels all alone. Can you blame her for feeling the way she has? I don't want her to die, but this is the way she wants it. She wants to spend her time at home. Shouldn't we let her have that? Her purpose here…it's so small for her now. Do we dare to tell her how to sacrifice herself?"

Goten shook his head, turning away for a moment. Conflicting emotions overwhelmed him. She shouldn't have to die…she was the rock that held them all in place. She was what they fought for. Chichi was more than a mom or a supporter. She /was/ home. Everything about her defined the meaning of the word. What would they do if she left? Why was this so easy to accept for his brother? He obviously felt the pain of this situation as well, but now he was siding with Chichi's logic and that was completely illogical! Goten's eyes fell on his mother and he stared hard at her for a good many minutes, letting the raging thoughts flow through his mind as Gohan let him alone to go back to watching Chichi as well. Silence hung over him like a horrible oppressive blanket during those moments of reaction, winding about him in deafening calls until his train of thought broke into sudden realization. *Mom's home…but what is a home without anyone in it?* 

Gohan's eyes met Goten's to see the understanding there and he offered Goten a pained smile before pushing a chair to the other side of the bed. Goten took the proferred seat, sat down, and picked up Chichi's other hand. The two brothers shared no words; their obsidian eyes focused intently on the peaceful visage of the woman who would forever haunt their memories as a home, a mother, and a fiery angel in disguise.


End file.
